Seven Years of Marital Bliss (or Something Like That)

Seven years. Yesterday marked seven years of marriage. Isn’t this the point that they say you start to feel the itch? You’ve settled into life together, the honeymoon and lovey-dovey phase is over, and you start to feel the monotony of life as a unit? In some ways that may be true, but this is the part of marriage I signed up for. Sure, these past seven years have not been perfect, but when I said I do, I couldn’t wait to get past the wedding day and newlywed phase so we could settle into the fall-asleep-on-the-couch-by-9pm-together phase and the constantly-renegotiate-how-to-make-our-family-function phase. I signed up for the long haul and we are definitely at the point where we are slugging through it. But that is exactly where your love takes shape.

It’s one thing to fall in love with someone, but it’s quite another to choose to love them. I know that I do it imperfectly a lot of the time, but I love that I get a new chance at it every day with Curt. He is the most patient, loyal, and kindhearted partner. I fell in love with him 10 years ago, but now I get to continually choose to love him every single day.

There’s nothing like an anniversary of an occasion to reflect and if you’ve been reading for any amount of time here, you’d know that I love a good reflection. On past anniversaries, I’ve shared the things I have learned about marriage, but this year, I thought I would honour our seven years of marriage with a commitment to seven ways I want to improve as a partner over this next year. As much as marriage is a partnership, it also takes intentionality as an individual. Here’s what I want to work on to make our marriage even stronger as we roll into year eight.

Express more gratitude.

I’ve noticed that even though I feel extremely grateful for Curtis and all he does for me and our family, I very rarely express that in words to him. It’s easy to overlook how powerful words can be. I want to be intentional about encouraging my husband and reminding him that his efforts, hard work, and dedication are not going unnoticed and that his contributions mean a lot to me.

Make time for time together.

We’re in the thick of toddler parenthood and it’s an understatement to say that we barely get time together, just the two of us. We’re either trading off weekend time so we can each tackle our to-do list or alternating bath and bedtime routine each night so we can each have a chance to unwind. The problem is that we barely have time to spend with each other. I know this is just our phase of life, but in the past we have scheduled at-home date nights where we cook dinner together after Mabel is in bed or go for a drive to grab a coffee while a friend keeps an eye on Mabel. Those moments, although small, have been so special. I want to be more consistent with scheduling those times together this year.

Pray with my husband and specifically ask how I can pray for him.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed or upset, it brings me so much peace when Curtis offers to pray with me about it. Yet despite the fact that in my heart I know how much I value time spent in prayer together, I rarely make the effort to do it on a regular basis. I’d really like to be more diligent with this so that we can consistently establish a strong spiritual support for each other. And along those lines, even though I do pray for him every day in my personal prayers, I also want to be more intentional about specifically asking him what I can pray for.

Linger in hugs a little longer.

One of the sweetest parts of marriage is the spontaneous hugs in the middle of the kitchen or the brief grab of a hand when sitting beside each other on the couch. But once again, the busyness of life right now often breaks the moment sooner than it happens. I’d like to try to allow myself to linger in the hug a little longer, even when the dishes or the laundry are desperately calling me back to them.

Communicate how I’m feeling when I’m feeling it.

It took becoming a parent for me to realize how poorly I communicate (or rather, don’t communicate). I’ve been trying to break that down a little over the past couple of years, but this year specifically, I’d like to get better at communicating exactly what I’m feeling in the moment that I’m feeling it. I’m the queen of resentful silence and we’ve been married long enough for me to learn that Curt is the opposite, so I’d like to challenge myself to do a better job at breaking some of my own bad communication habits and being more upfront about addressing them in the moment. They always say that communication is the key to a long and happy marriage and I think they are on to something!

Be present.

I generally struggle with presence, but I’m specifically thinking of the hurried moments when my husband is explaining something about his day or recalling a funny memory when I’m listening - but also doing something else. Phone scrolling, dish washing, child chasing, you name it. I’d like to try to put the phone down when he starts to talk to me, turn off the tap, or pause for a moment to look at him and really give him my full attention.

Intentionally set goals together.

We have done this in the past and the act of realigning ourselves to be unified around a common purpose or passion has breathed so much life into our relationship. We took the time to do this together again at the beginning of this year, but now I want to commit to truly doing my part to encourage, support, and participate in whatever it takes to get us there, together.

Marriage takes work, but I can’t imagine wanting to make the effort for any other person. I am so grateful for seven years of marital bliss (or something like that) with the one that I get to choose to love.