How to Create Home in the In-Between Seasons
In case you missed it, we recently sold and moved out of our house. It’s been a bittersweet transition for our family, as I truly believed that would be our home always. But plans change and we’re taking a different path than we originally planned on. It’s been an adventure, but one we’ve felt repeatedly affirmed in.
That being said, before we can move on to what’s next, we find ourselves in an in-between season. I haven’t historically done too well in these seasons. It’s like the last month of a pregnancy or finishing up your education - you know you’ll be in a totally different phase soon but you’re just not quite there yet, which makes it hard to fully settle into the present: the in-between. Before we can move to our next home, we’re in a season of living at my in-laws’ house. We are so grateful to have this living arrangement as an option, but it’s hard to feel settled as a family when all our own stuff is in storage and we’re simply just waiting for what’s to come.
My home has always been my peace and my comfort. I’ve come to realize how at times that’s become an unhealthy idol in my life, but it also is just part of my DNA to want to settle in and fluff my nest. It always has and always will be. (And all the more since becoming a mom.) But since we’re in a literal in-between space, I haven’t been able to depend on my usual means of creating home, such as working on projects. As a result, I’ve had some pretty vulnerable internal conversations about what it is that actually makes a home and makes us feel settled, safe, and at peace as individuals and as a family. (Spoiler: it’s not just a pretty space).
While this conversation is much bigger than mere things, I have found a few ideas and efforts that have helped us feel more settled in this in-between space. Here’s what has helped:
Focus on One or Two Comfort Areas
We may be living in my in-laws’ guest room, but there have been a few simple ways I’ve made it feel more like our own. I changed all the bedding to be our own sheets and our own duvet. I even switched out the pillow to my own. Trust me when I say that my mother-in-law has great taste and has created such a cozy home, but there is just nothing quite like your own bed to find comfort in. I love being able to snuggle into my own fluffy duvet and close my eyes each night feeling wrapped up in a familiar hug. I also decided to bring along our own towels. It wasn’t necessary, but it has been just another layer of familiar comfort.
This tip could take a variety of forms, depending on your situation. If you know you’ll be somewhere for a while, you could bring a favourite piece of art to swap out or a cozy throw blanket. Anything that isn’t permanent, but makes your in-between space feel more comfortable and like it’s your own.
Find Small Joys in Small Details
You guys know I’m all about finding joy in the little things and an in-between season is the perfect opportunity to lean into that. One thing I did pretty early on to our current arrangement was treat myself to a cozy fall candle. It smells like pecan pie and sits on the kitchen counter. I pretty well light it every single evening when I start cooking dinner and let it burn until I blow it out before heading upstairs to bed. This time of year is particularly ideal for a cozy candle, but besides that, this small detail has helped me create a daily ritual that brings my heart peace and joy. I think being able to find comfort in a little routine has helped me feel much more settled and secure.
This tip could take many forms depending on what and where your in-between space is. Maybe it’s treating yourself to a special bubble bath or skincare ritual. Maybe it’s diffusing a calming essential oil. Regardless, seek out the small joys to be found in your in-between space and lean in.
Embrace New Family Rhythms
This has been one of my favourite parts of being in a temporary space. Being somewhere new has stripped us back from everything familiar and forced us to find new rhythms. We’ve found new walking paths, new parks, new morning routines (gone are the days of walking down the street to school!), new chores, and new hobbies. My in-laws don’t have television in their house, so we’ve been doing more reading in the evening. We have to drive to school drop-off now, so we’ve been waking up earlier to start our day. We no longer have a dishwasher, so handwashing the dinner dishes right after our meal has become a new normal.
Regardless of what your temporary space is, it’s bound to force you out of what you normally do, in both big and small ways. As a creature of habit, I like my routines, but for that very reason, its good to be forced out of them sometimes. Shake it up. I’ve been able to enjoy some of the new family rhythms we’ve been forced to embrace and at the end of the day, it’s brought us all closer together. We’ve enjoyed playing a family card game in the evenings before the bedtime hustle and have explored new trails on our weekend walks. It feels good to try something new.
Make Good Food
There’s a reason it’s called comfort food - it feels familiar! One thing that has been carrying me through this awkward in-between phase is cooking some of our favourite dishes. Humans have five senses and so I think that smelling and tasting something familiar goes a long way in making you feel more settled. When we first moved into my in-law’s house, it was tempting to just grab take out or cook simple meals because I didn’t know where everything was in the kitchen, but I’m glad I leaned in to cooking instead. Making good food has been one thing I have had control over in this unsettling time and it’s brought us all a lot of comfort.
Obviously, this tip is only applicable if you have the space to be able to do it. But I think even buying some of your favourite snacks or swapping in your usual choice of coffee brand could achieve a similar result too.
Evaluate Where You’re Staking Your Comfort
Now this tip is the heart of this post. If you take only one insight from this list, have it be this one. Being caught in this in-between phase has probably been the best thing for me because it has forced me to take a fairly vulnerable evaluation of where I was seeking peace. I’ve always been blessed to have a cozy home to find refuge in at the end of the day (something I know not everyone has and so I don’t take it for granted). I think that is what has always inspired me to work on our home, aiming to make it as comfortable, warm, and safe as possible. And I experience very genuine joy in doing that.
But that also has enabled me to stake my comfort in my home and my home alone. I’ve been realizing that I can easily let comfort become an idol in my life. I struggle with travel, change, and even a single overnighter - oh what I’d do to be at home in my own bed! How misleading that is though. I’ve been learning through this process that the only true sense of peace at the end of the day comes from knowing that God is always in control. He is my comfort and my refuge, not the fleeting material comforts like a safe and cozy bed. Feeling somewhat displaced has afforded me the necessity to lean into my trust in God’s provision and I can honestly say that I’ve felt at peace. What a blessing that is.
Maybe you don’t share my faith, but I do encourage you to evaluate where you deep down stake your comfort. Because if you can get to the root of true peace, you may find that the unsettled and stressful periods of in-betweenness that we all inevitably find ourselves in don’t feel so unsettling and stressful anymore. A cozy home is a gift, but no longer a necessity to live contentedly.
If you find yourself in a similar place in life, I hope these ideas can inspire you as much as they have been helping me. I really am excited for what the future holds for our little family, but the more I’ve leaned in, the more grateful I feel for this quiet and challenging season too. Life is still good.
