When It Comes To Being an Introverted Mama

I’m going to start this by saying that it’s just after noon and I’ve already cried three times today.

For some context, I just spent the past two weeks solo parenting our ten month old baby and two cats. We survived and I would even say we may have thrived, but suddenly, in the security of my husband being around home again, I crumbled. Over those two weeks, the baby ate well. The baby slept with minimal interruptions. The baby didn’t get new teeth, or fall on her face while pulling herself up, or refuse to go down for her daily nap. In fact, the baby was wonderful, yet somehow, I still found myself feeling mentally and physically exhausted and erupting into tears in a coffee shop this morning because I just so desperately craved to be alone.

Before I ever had a kid, I read a fascinating article sharing one mother’s thoughts about how to be a mom as an introvert. It was the first time I ever thought about the possibility that my personality as an introvert could affect my role as a mother. I’m glad I was introduced to the idea because I don’t think I would have come to the realization that many of the conflicting feelings I often have are a result of me being drained from having constant social interaction, even if that interaction is only with a baby. It has helped me have a lot of grace with the inevitable mom guilt that comes after feeling suddenly overwhelmed by my child or in a sudden burst of tears after she blows just one moredissatisfied raspberry in my face. 

Here’s the thing – becoming a mom means you are never just yourself anymore. Whether you’re physically with them or you’re not, your child is always at the forefront of your mind. If she is napping, the monitor is glued to your hip. If she is at her Grandma’s, your phone is right beside you in case they need you. And even if she is playing on the floor while you read a book on the couch, your eye is always glancing up, whether you have reason to or not. It’s inevitable, but it’s draining. You can never completely shut down or let them go from your mind, and in a way, that makes it feel as if they are right there with you. As an introvert, that’s exactly what is exhausting – they are right there with you.All the time.

I’m sure you’re aware at this point of the introvert and extrovert classifications. Extroverted people are generally more social and are recharged when they engage in interaction with others. On the contrary, while introverted people can still be social beings, the distinction is that they are recharged when they engage in time spent alone. Time spent alone. Remember the thing I just mentioned isn’t fully possible once you become a mother?

It can be really hard to navigate feeling like a good mom while also craving the time and space that you need to truly recharge your tank. While I’m still trying to navigate this one myself (hence the coffee shop cry earlier this afternoon), I wanted to share a few things that have worked for me as I navigate this struggle and I think that they might help you too.

Go for a walk. Strapping the baby in the stroller and going for a walk is one of the easiest ways to give everyone a little breather. I have found that walks help to keep my daughter stimulated with new sights and sounds while easing the pressure off of me to provide that for her. I also found that it allows me to be inside my own head for a few minutes, gives me an opportunity to move my body a little bit, and the fresh air even helps her to nap better later on.

Take the help. Chances are that the people who are closest to you know that you are introverted, can sense when you need some downtime, and are likely already offering to help you out. I can’t even tell you how many times my mom or a friend has sensed my tone or frustration with a situation and swooped in to offer to take the baby for a drive or for an afternoon. Plain and simple – accept their offer.It’s hard to be vulnerable and admit that you need it and it’s also hard to not feel guilty about not really wanting to be around your child sometimes, but remember that it doesn’t make you a less-loving mother. You aren’t just a mom, you’re a human and as a human, you need time to be alone too.

Actually take the down time. This one is so much easier said than done. It’s tempting to use your alone time to check things off your list because you know that because you’re alone, you can be so much more efficient. I for one know that I can rest so much better knowing that there aren’t things to do hanging over my head. But it’s important that if you need to be recharged by being alone, you should take your opportunity to actually recharge. That looks different for everyone, but generally, stay off your phone, don’t do your dishes, and if possible, do something with completely selfish intentions (like read a book, draw something for fun, or watch a cheap show). 

Communicate your needs. You are the only one who truly knows what you need. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for a hand. If you are feeling sensitive, tell your partner. If you need the time alone, find a way to get it. I remember one afternoon when my daughter screamed tirelessly and I literally spent hours walking laps through my home bouncing her in my arms. By the time my husband got home, with tears in my eyes, I immediately handed her to him and asked for half an hour alone before walking up the stairs. After soaking in my warm bathtub for only twenty minutes in complete solitude with no noise or distraction, I came back downstairs and ate dinner with them feeling eons better than when I handed her off. I literally just needed those twenty minutes and all I had to do was ask for it.

Motherhood is hard, you guys, and even if you love feeling needed and responsible, it’s easy to find yourself drained out from all that you pour into that little person. It’s so important to have grace on yourself and recognize your needs amongst theirs, because although we are mama’s, we also need to remember that we are unapologetically ourselves, in all our introverted glory. Find a way to fill your cup today.