How I’m Preparing For Postpartum (as a second-time Mom)
Surprise! Things are about to change around here as I’m expecting our second child any day now. It’s surreal to say that, knowing that our family dynamic is about to change. Maybe that news will come as a total shock to many of you, but over the years, I’ve developed quite a few firm boundaries around sharing in-depth details about our family on the internet, especially our children. But since this big change will inevitably affect what and how I can share for a while, I figured it was as good as time as any to fill you in.
A huge reason why I’m protective over sharing about my children on the internet is that I’m actually being protective over my identity as it relates to motherhood. The truth is that my transition into motherhood three and a half years ago felt more like a belly flop. I have enough perspective now to realize that probably most women find that transition to be anything but graceful, but my feelings of inadequacy and the internal conflict I felt about my new role caused me a lot of shame. With a lot of intentional work, I’m definitely in a place where I feel much more comfortable in who I am as a mom and am grateful that I have the opportunity to add another little babe to our crew. There was a point in time where I truly didn’t know if I’d be here, willing to do this all again. I’m nothing but grateful that I am.
With all that said, I wanted this pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experience to be different than my first. I’ve come to accept that so much about it is out of my control, but I wanted to be intentional about making it different. Ideally - better. It has been my prayer that this experience would be redeeming for me and so far the pregnancy portion has been. We’ll see about the birth and postpartum period. But in the spirit of intentionality, I thought I would share some of the things that I’ve been doing this time around that have helped me feel more prepared and have been setting me up for a different experience this time around. Maybe one of these insights will be helpful for you so your experience can be a positive one too.
What I’ve Done Differently in this Pregnancy
Using Midwives. When I was pregnant with Mabel, I purposefully kept myself quite naive and opted to go with the flow of the shared care offered by my family doctor and OBGYN. I learned about different aspects of the pregnancy as they introduced them to me and didn’t do any research on my own to see what kind of care options were out there. I absolutely trust their expertise and opinion, but in retrospect, there were elements of the care that felt cold and confusing as a first time mom. In particular, I didn’t like that after investing time in getting to know my OBGYN over the pregnancy, he wasn’t even the one who delivered my baby, but rather that fell on whatever OB was on duty at the hospital that day.
My birth with Mabel ended up being fairly traumatic when I experienced double haemorrhaging, both immediately after having her and then again 10 days later. Once again, it all worked out and I’m grateful for the care and knowledge of the doctors involved in helping me through that, but it was never fully explained to me what actually happened or why. Working through the trauma of that experience took a long time and has definitely contributed to my unwillingness to grow our family in the way I originally expected we would, so when I got pregnant this time, I wanted a different experience that also prioritized my care as the mother.
I have only ever heard positive things from friends who have used midwifery care rather than traditional care and was pleased to see that it is equally recognized and covered in our province’s healthcare program. The hospital we are delivering at also has a state of the art midwifery unit that offers the possibility of a hospital birth with the help of a midwife. I decided to go this route this time and have been blown away by the care and sensitivity that has gone into each visit. My midwifery team has been so compassionate about the fears and anxiety I have as it relates to my previous experience and have gone above and beyond to offer me the support and assurance that I’ve needed to get through this. I’m interested to see how the birth and postpartum experience goes, but at this point, I have every reason to believe that this time I will feel much more informed and at peace with bringing this little one into the world.
Setting Up Mental Health Support. Diving head first into motherhood rocked my world. My birth experience followed by the lack of sleep that comes with newborn life set me up for a really difficult time. I was familiar with postpartum depression and what it looked like on paper, yet as I experienced it, it wasn’t so easy to recognize in myself.
In retrospect, I struggled through that first year of having Mabel, but I didn’t seek any support. I thought this was just how it is now. It wasn’t until we hit the point where I thought we would be trying to have another child (yet feeling terrified at the prospect) that I decided to seek the help of a therapist to work through some of my feelings. After talking through my experience with her and then eventually getting the physical care I needed to rebalance my hormones, I realized that I struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety - even well past that first year of motherhood.
This time around, I’ve been more proactive at setting up the support I know I’ll need. It’s easier to eliminate that support if I realize I don’t need it than it is to seek help in the thick of things. I didn’t think that seeking regular therapy services was possible within our current budget, but after mentioning some of my concerns to my midwives, they were able to set me up with a free social work program through our local hospital. Throughout the second half of my pregnancy, I’ve had regular monthly calls with a social worker to check in and will continue to have that call-in support after I give birth too. The social worker has also given me various resources and access to motherhood support programs offered through the hospital. It’s been such a comfort to know I have these options available to me so I don’t have to slug through on my own again.
Seeing a Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist. I didn’t initially plan on visiting a pelvic floor physiotherapist, but as my pregnancy has progressed, I’ve experienced a lot more physical pressure in my pelvis as the baby grows than I did in my first pregnancy. This is common in a second (or third, fourth, etc) pregnancy, but it was getting fairly uncomfortable in my day-to-day so I decided to explore if there was anything I could do to help alleviate some of the discomfort. I ended up visiting a PFP and I can’t express how grateful I am that I did.
She was able to assess the pelvic muscles and see where there was opportunity to strengthen them, but beyond that, she has been such a great resource to better prepare me for the actual birth. She has offered advice and thorough explanation about proper breathing techniques and body positions for each phase of labour and has worked with me to build confidence as I approach the birthing process. She has also assisted with perineal stretching to help prevent tearing and even set me up with an arsenal of post-birth exercises to alleviate the discomforts associated with healing and breastfeeding.
Thankfully, the discomfort in my pelvic area that initially got me in the door is just a fact of pregnancy and shouldn’t result in any permanent damage, but I’m grateful for the confidence working with my PFP has instilled in me. It feels good to be proactive about taking care of my body and know that there are options to help heal any damage that may be caused in the birthing experience if it comes to that.
Maintaining a Healthy Perspective. This final one likely just comes with experience, but I have found that since I’ve done this whole pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and raising a kid thing once before, I’m able to maintain a healthy perspective on the entire process. This pregnancy involved a lot more morning sickness and discomfort than my pregnancy with Mabel, yet I’ve felt much more optimistic and grateful than I did the first time around. I think that comes with knowing that this phase is just a short period of time in the grand scheme of things and that I will feel more like my normal self again, so I’m able to be present in the difficult moments with the understanding that I’ll get through them.
I also just generally feel grateful that I’m here, doing this again. Curt and I always thought we wanted to have three children, but after my first experience, I honestly didn’t know if I’d be able to do it all again. I really struggled mentally and emotionally and I know that others struggle physically. My experience been such a healthy reminder that our expectations don’t always become our realities and that has made me truly grateful for the gift of this baby.
Postpartum Care and Essentials
Beyond the physical, emotional, and mental care services I’ve set up, I’ve also been much more aware of the little things I can prepare at home that will help me through the early postpartum phase. I thought it may be useful to share a few of the things I have ready to go to help me through the physical healing process. These items are above and beyond the typical items suggested by the hospital and are more so the types of things that may not be as obvious, but I know are helpful because I’ve been through this before.
After I had Mabel, my sister-in-law gave me a sweet little box of goodies just for me. It included some chocolates, a few face masks, and other self-care items, like special body lotion. Every night before bed, I would nurse Mabel one last time and then hand her off to Curt to swaddle and rock to sleep while I slipped into the bathroom for a quick bath. Sometimes I would do a face mask or have a tea while I soaked. It was the perfect reset I needed after a long day and something I looked forward to in a period that was so demanding of me. With the memory of how much that little sliver of self-priority meant to me, I decided to proactively set up a self-care kit for myself this time around. I just wanted to note that because some of the items I included here may not be absolutely essential, but are part of the self-care kit I’ve prepared for myself.
HydraPeak 32oz Water Bottle - I know from experience that breastfeeding makes you so thirsty. I wanted to get a good water bottle this time around that held a lot of water so I wasn’t filling it back up every time the baby nursed. I’ve been using this one for a few months now and it checks all the boxes - there’s no straw to clean, it keeps the water cold, and it holds a lot of volume. I found this exact bottle from a local Homesense at a fraction of the Amazon cost, but I linked it here anyways.
Burt’s Bees Renewing Eye Mask - I picked up a few packs of these for my self-care kit, knowing that my eyes will be looking tired for quite some time. They’re perfect to pop on first thing in the morning or while soaking in the bath.
Earth Mama Nipple Butter - When breastfeeding, it’s best to limit what you put on your nipples since they can so easily get irritated. In fact, my mom taught me that the best thing you can do is hydrate them with your own breast milk. However, there are times at the beginning when they are so tender that a little bit of nipple cream can help alleviate some discomfort. This is the best cream to use for that, especially when you’re just getting out of the shower.
Black Fleece Joggers (2 pack) - This two-pack of classic black sweatpants are perfect for those early days after giving birth. They aren’t too tight, but still have a little bit of shape and offer some much needed comfort and warmth.
Furry Slippers - I mostly got these for the hospital, but I know I’ll use them around the house afterwards too. My feet were a little swollen after giving birth to Mabel and so I know these will be easy and comfortable to slip on.
Three Ships Soothe Clay Mask - This is another item I grabbed for my self-care kit. I’ve always wanted to try this brand and know that even this small little act of self-care will feel like such a luxury in those early days.
Frida Mom Peri Bottle - I fell in love with my hospital peri bottle after giving birth to Mabel. This time, I picked up this genius-designed version so I’d have one for our upstairs bathroom and one for our downstairs bathroom. I honestly don’t know why we don’t use peri bottles all the time rather than scratchy toilet paper.
The Honest Company Lavender Bubble Bath - In the early days of recovery, it’s best to only soak in plain clean water so you don’t cause any irritation to your healing body. But I picked this gentle lavender bubble bath to include in my self-care kit so I can use it a few weeks in, once my body has mostly healed. The lavender scent is great for helping you to relax.
Extra Large Brita Filter - We have used a Brita water jug to filter our tap water for years, but after realizing it was time to replace it, I opted to get this large countertop filter instead. It’s designed to slip into your fridge, but I just keep ours beside our sink so I can easily top it up. I love that it holds so much water at once so I’m not constantly filling it up and know that it will be essential to have once I start breastfeeding.
Young Living Mint Facial Scrub - This is another little self-care luxury. Peppermint is my comfort essential oil so I love this gentle minty facial scrub. It was great in the early days of pregnancy when morning sickness dominated my life and is also wonderful at helping you feel a little more awake after a long night with multiple baby wakings.
Raspberry Leaf Tea - Raspberry leaf tea has traditionally been used as a female support tea, as it has many properties that help tone the uterus. I’ve been drinking this throughout the last few weeks of my pregnancy and will likely continue for a while after actually giving birth. It tastes like a black tea, but is actually herbal and doesn’t have any caffeine content.
Nursing Bras (3 pack) - Nursing bras are rarely cute, but this three-pack is incredibly comfortable to wear, especially in those early days of nursing. They don’t have an underwire so they’re great for sleeping in too.
Some Honorable Mentions: my sitz bath was my best friend the first time around and I’m already looking forward to getting reacquainted with her; a set of dark towels and face cloths were useful for many different purposes in those early weeks; a nursing pillow can double as a supportive donut seat for a very sore bottom; and ice packs. Don’t forget ice packs.
My hope is that regardless of whether you are going to be a first-time mom or a two, three, even four-time mom, even just a tidbit within this big long post may be helpful for you. We can’t change our past experiences, but we can learn from them as a way to set ourselves (or others) up for a better future experience. Let me know if you have any questions or want to share your own insights in the comments below. And you can bet that I’ll share an update once I have the postpartum period of this pregnancy under my belt.
Until then -
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